Restrooms. (Christina WAS My Girlfriend)

Restrooms

I really can’t express my ultimate hate for the public restroom with words. My passion to loathe restrooms began again around 7:30 PM. I had just finished devouring my supper. I had talked to Christina about meeting her half way to her house so I wouldn’t have to walk alone. She was reluctant to do so, but eventually I got her to do it.

So she starts talking about how it is too chilly outside and what not, but I decide to challenge her recent knowledge of the weather with my completely unsupported theory from within my basement by saying, “No Christina, it is very warm out. “ This is when I decided to grab the Smarties ice cream to prove my manliness.

It turns out it wasn’t warm out and I wasn’t hungry, so it was a stupid mistake. What makes it even stupider is the fact that my spoon broke after two minutes of walking. I was left with not only cold hands, but no tools to eat the ice cream with. But fuck it; from the ice cream I DID get to eat, it turns out that made my stomach feel like a winery. I didn’t want it anymore.

So I finally meet up with Christina and I explain my stomach pains to her through clever metaphor and I tell her I need to use a bathroom at timmies. So I go into the bathroom and my God it was the worst bathroom experience I have EVER had. Not only did they have those shitty little toilet seats that aren’t the full circle, but they didn’t even have ACTUAL toilet rolls; they had fucking wipes. Not only were they wipes, but they were fucking ONE - PLY WIPES! LIKE WHAT THE DICK SHITS IS THAT?! HONESTLY. The only reason you’re using a restroom at timmies is because you can’t hold it in any longer, so obviously you are going to take a big shit.
Yet they still give you a one-ply shit wipe. By the time I took in all of this information I completely forgot about my need to poop.

On the bright side it smelt nice, and they had brail on the doors.

Ironically enough, I had a very good experience the night before. Welcome to the Keg. I was at the keg for my step mother’s birthday. I realized that I don’t like the Keg that much. I mean the waitress we had was nice, but on another note, the only food you can order there is steak, and seafood, and fajitas. Well that just sucks the big one because I’m not a huge fan of fajitas or steak, or seafood. I order the chicken fajita and I eat one, and I say fuck it to the rest, my tummy hurts too much.

That’s when I decide to use the restroom. It was very nice. Although the door into it was completely transparent, so it felt kind of revealing, I still enjoyed it. The washroom had an actual full circle toilet seat, and they had 1.5-ply toilet paper ROLLS. It was relaxing, although the toilet was clogged.

I also got cake later that night free of charge.

On a completely different note, I went over to my best friend’s house and I found out he had a sister. I’m the worst best friend ever. We played Wario Ware. That game is racist. Just because I was a black angel it never picked me to go? FUCK YOU WARIO YOU RACIST PIECE OF SNICKER SHIT.