Monday, May 16, 2011

Untitled

Untitled

Everything that’s come undone,

In movements around the sun-

It can never be undone,

“There’s nothing that could have been done.”

A moment that’s forever feared,

That’s grasped and lost resulting in tears.

It happens in rotations of spheres,

Futility’s the captain who steers.

You’ll fall and curse this stupid pain,

You’ll cry out protesting the change.

The saddest part is nothing can change,

Everything remains the same.

Fragments of twelve pass on,

Moments now forever gone,

Soon the choir’s singing your song.

Never to view a new dawn.

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Song of the Mockingbird

You’ve let it out the window,
The bird who listened close,
The bird who let feelings grow,
The bird who had wings clipped short.

He’s fluttering now,
His wings are a tattered mess,
He’s spiralling down again,
He can’t fly alone.

The window’s closed.
The bird upon the windowsill,
Staring at your lively stills,
That this birds not a part of.

In the picture frame,
The bird’s reflections cast,
Almost as if in the past,
But it’s just a picture.

The bird won’t make it alone;
He’s seen what you have come and shown.
He knows that he’s now alone,
Your solitude is now condoned.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect


My stomach’s sucking monarchs out of the air,
It traps them, and binds them and drowns them- they’re scared

Tremors in my stomach- they open, erupt
The cracks and the ulcers spell out inept

It’s shaking and writhing, the monarchs are stuck
They’re slamming the walls, they’re screaming, they’re fucked.

My eyesight destroys them, maims them, they’re dead
Along with the thoughts and worries in head

My stomach reached stasis, my heart did too,
But you’ll still never know my feelings for you.

Monday, January 10, 2011

So I was sad and I made some Haikus

Vague


A door closed
A ventricle too

Eyes now blushing
Cheeks now submerged

Bathwater drawn
Clothing asunder

Swimming in waste
Body Engulfed

“Goodbye to you
I’ll see you around.”

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Social Extinction

Social Extinction

 

The animal in me was the animal in you

It dwelled in your veins before vanity grew.

It cast itself out, to bring its demise,

While hiding behind some shameless disguise.

 

It poaches the weak, and hides from the strong

This gentle giant indeed does no wrong.

Surviving the battle so simply mundane,

While dismay slowly pierces the brain.

 

The animal in me knows not of emotion,

While all of his brothers drown in the ocean.

Its only friend - polar extinction,

Claiming and killing every distinction.

 

The bear of the north, so proud and so brave

Slides now to the water, to stay in his grave.

With only a needle to keep him afloat,

Filled with formaldehyde, to wear as a coat.

 

The youth of today, unlike the bear,

Knows not of compassion, or how to care.

Not one person left, who lives like me,

For they all lay dormant, under the sea.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Rough Draft - The Best Day of My Life

The Best Day of My Life

These cold eyes stiffly enveloped everything he ever was, and everything he could have become. These were the eyes of a woman who was hurt- a woman who, in her own perspective, had done no wrong. Ignorance is not bliss, and her eyes made this clear. They both stood frozen in the walkway on this cold winter morning. She started blankly at him waiting for a wise crack, or a joke, but to her own demise, none would come. Her lip began to quiver, as her eyes began to water. The boy stood there reflecting on how one sentence could create such social chaos. He knew this wouldn’t be easy, but it had to be done.

Three minutes prior to the emotional suicide, the boy had been thinking of a way to set their souls asunder. The tension rose within, and began to foam along his tongue until he finally blurted out, “We need to break up.” At first there was a marvelous silence, as if a long war had just ended. However, it was the calm before a great calamity. At first, silence, and then a great flood, followed by an engulfing feeling of darkness and regret.

Her body began to writhe as if she had swallowed some great poison, a poison she had made the boy swallow a few times before. Once in February with a phallus shaped discussion with a third party. It happened again once more the following August, with a man, a bed, and a phrase only meant to be shared by two. This naïve boy dreamt of a life less futile and ambiguous, with more definition and delight. Although the outcome would be serine, the road there would be treacherous.

Without any knowledge on the matter, the boy apologized. Although in his mind she was the culprit, he shifted the blame onto his own shoulders to martyr his own disposition on the matter. He was his own antithesis. He pulled her close to push her away, so that she would become not a weaker woman, but a stronger one, who needn’t rely on him to support her. This sudden feeling of dismay caused a surge of emotion to erupt. With no previous exposure to such feeling, she began a bipolar sonata.

Before long, a duet of mourning began. Although it was a lesser magnitude, the boy felt as numb as his wintered exterior. The sight of her sobbing corpse was the saddest sight he’d ever seen; an overwhelming feeling of guilty held authority over him. One last kiss, as lifeless as her essence, was given, and they stumbled reciprocal.

This was the best day of his life.

Elysian lifestyle was but a short saunter away. The boy dragged his feet through the snow as to not forget the path that led him to this point. Although there were no thoughts of regret, his self-reflection was still autonomous. He had created a great sorrow for someone he once held dear, and despite the fact that his heart was placed otherwise, he still felt a level of remorse for his former lover. This melancholy struck him astonished. He was ill-equipped to deal with a problem border lining her suicide. Could ignorance bring bliss to him in such a scenario? Ignorance was irrelevant at such a time considering liberation from such a problem would be purely unfathomable.

As the snow pooled at his feet, he pulled out his phone, and began to make a phone call. Once his best friend answered the phone, he started to explain his story. “So I broke up with her.” His best friend was very intrigued. “Things just weren’t working out. I couldn’t handle the constant fighting, and the explosive mood swings- not to mention her lack of interest towards me. I mean, it’s almost as if she didn’t love me anymore, ya know? I just need to trust someone if I’m going to be with them, and I couldn’t trust her, I just couldn’t.” Irony would never shine so bright. “I think I should tell you everything. I mean yeah, what I said before was definitely a LARGE part of why I broke up with her, but there’s more. I love someone else, and she feels the same way back. I mean, she’s like the coolest person I’ve ever met, and whenever I was with my girlfriend-ex-girlfriend, I was constantly thinking about this other girl. And I mean, when someone is on your mind twenty-four seven, even on your one year anniversary, that’s gotta be love right?”

“Well, who is it?” The best friend asked. There was a lot of underlying tension in his question. A spark of unconscious jealousy arose.

“Katherine. I was reluctant to tell you anything, because I thought you might have had a bit of a crush on her, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or anything. But I just had to tell you, ya know? I had to tell someone.” At first there was silence. The friend was collecting himself.

“I did like her, but don’t worry, it wasn’t really that much. I’m glad you guys are together.” He deceived.

“Thanks man, that really means a lot. Wanna hang out today?”

“I can’t. I’m busy,” he continued with his futile deception.

“Just for like, an hour or so? What-d-ya say. Come on, I think we should all talk about this.” The boy’s naivety would surely bring about his own social self-destruction. Ignorance was not bliss.

“Alright Mav, but only for a little bit.” He unwillingly gave his liberty to Maverick to pan-handle.

As Mav walked back towards his best friend, and his newly found girlfriend, he reflected on the life altering decisions he had just made. Like a recently desceased fire, Mav still had a few cinders keeping the fire going. These small cinders of hope were all he had to keep him from collapsing into the cold wet snow, and subduing himself to mental and physical sub-zero annihilation. He just had to keep them lit long enough for someone to rekindle the feeling he needed most.

As he met her warm embrace they headed towards his friend. The meeting was more awkward then anyone could’ve perceived. As Mav stood to the side, his friend began to mentally criticize the two of them. Although his questions guised sincere, there was pure malice behind them. Mav began to speak. “There was a kiss.” All was silent. “It happened a couple of days ago, and it was the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever experienced.”

His acquaintance was disgusted, even if his face was devoid of emotion. He choked, “I’m happy for you guys. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” He paused. “Don’t you think you should tell your ex?” Justice was his main concern, no matter the emotional product. Mav had a different approach.

“I think I’ve already hurt her enough for now. I’d rather tell her when she doesn’t care anymore, at least that way, she won’t be completely hurt, and she won’t have trust issues in the future, ya know?” The third party did not like this, but he nodded and disbanded.

Four days later, as the two lived there Elysian lifestyle, a phone call was received. Mav answered. A distressed voice began, “So Mav, why did you dump me? Honestly.”

Although the question bore rhetorical roots, he answered anyway. “I told you five times already, I didn’t love you anymore, and you should be with someone who does.” Sweat solidified on the palms of his hands.

Unconvinced, she continued to prod. “So it wouldn’t have anything to do with a kiss then? Why would you even lie to me? I hate her.” She cried, but her tears did not freeze. A feeling of belligerence and urgency rose underneath Mav’s cold exterior. Katherine did not deserve the inevitable forthcoming events.

“I didn’t want to hurt-“

“Bullshit Mav. Could you be honest with me just once? Just once!” Trust, the one thing he lacked in her, was the thing she desired the most. “I could tell you always liked her more than me. You were always happier with her around, and you would ignore me whenever she was around. Just stop lying, I’m done with this. Bye.” The uneasy dissonance sparked an innate rage towards his best enemy.

A confrontation was had, which lead to a heated exchange of malice and dominance leaving the antithesis victor. Justice prevailed, and it would always. As his best friend flaked away, his other friends surely followed, leaving Maverick and Katherine alone together.

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

This Thing For Writers Craft?

My Artifact Story

Today is the twenty-first of September. It’s a Wednesday, and it’s been raining like hell since last night. The streets are rivers and cars are the boats. Any man would be crazy to walk in this weather. These are the thoughts running through my head as my shirt gets hydrated. I start to consider turning back and heading home. I forget why I'm walking, and then I remember. I’m walking somewhere I really don’t want to go, school.

People are always asking me, “Gordon, why do you hate school so much,” and the truth is, I don’t really have a reason, I just don’t. Maybe it’s the fake friendships that litter the hallways, or maybe it’s the way everyone goes home and gets drunk because they’re teenagers. Maybe it’s the actual school itself, or maybe it’s just a combination. Either way, it doesn’t really matter, because in the end, I still don’t like it.

As I approach the school, I enter this stupid parking lot. It’s filled with a bunch of low budget cars I’d be too scared to drive. The saddest part is, no matter how ugly or bad a car is, girls still date the guy because of it. They just want the car. Personally, I wish they were more like this with relationships- not caring about appearances and whatnot. Still, I guarantee that, no matter what I rode to school, girls still wouldn’t talk to me. I could ride a freakin’ horse and I assure you they still wouldn’t give me the time
of day. Girls are inane like that.

Anyway, as I’m walking towards the front of the school this douche-bag accelerates right beside me and suddenly it’s like I just went for a swim. I’m more soaked then a fish in water. Due to my non-aggressive behavior, I let him have his fun. This is how I start my day.

As I slide the doors open on the school, I’m greeted by a nice, sub-zero chill. I forgot it was still summer. I honestly feel my shirt harden. I begin to make my way up a flight of stairs towards my locker, even though I don’t need anything from it. I’ve always figured, if I look like I’m busy, people will just leave me alone. I’m pretty sad and pathetic if you ask me. I open my locker up, and I see some pictures I put up in my locker to make myself look like less of a reject. I have a picture of my grandparents, and one of a random group of people I ‘googled’. I assume people will think they’re my friends. I honestly don’t know a single one of them. Gosh I’m pathetic.

Let me give you a better understanding of me as a person. I don’t really have any friends. I pretend I do so people won’t think I’m so uninteresting and lame. For instance, on Facebook, I actually created a bunch of accounts and added them as friends, just so I looked less lousy. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Man, he must get pretty lonely,” and you’re right, I do get pretty lonesome. But being the clever intellectual I am, I found a quick-fix. Whenever I’m feeling down or alone, I go see the latest funny movie. I’ll sit in a chair right in the center of the theatre, and I’ll wait for people to laugh, and I’ll laugh along with them. It makes me feel accepted and conformed, which is nice for a change.

Either way, I’m still friendless, so this makes every class I have extremely awkward. I walk into my first period class, and its geography. The teacher is a bit on the belligerent side if you ask me. He has this innate urge to yell at everyone whenever we breathe. It’s kind of scary to tell you the truth. The worst part is that I have to sit at the front of the classroom, all by myself praying that the teacher decides to pass me by. Luckily for me, he usually does. He’s one of those teachers that wanders around the classroom while teaching. This usually leaves me out of his sights. It’s still depressing to hear him rag on someone else though. In fact, just last week he cussed out this quiet girl who never really does anything, made me feel real horrible.

However, today I guess must be wearing something eye catching, because he starts to lay into me pretty hard. He accuses me of smiling at something, and gets real red in the face. He starts blabbering on about how geography is no laughing matter. He starts criticizing me; he points out every stupid flaw in my face, like how my eyebrows are slightly connected. He even noticed the zit or two on my jaw.
I felt pretty damn miserable from this, and I’m not sure why, so I just up and leave. I was done with this school. I go home early. My parents don’t get home till five or six, so I’m safe in that aspect, but it’s not like they’d care anyway if I was home from school early. To be honest with you, they probably wouldn’t even notice. I go up to my room and I hop onto my bed.

I really need to do something about all of this garbage at school, so I start searching around. I see some crap lying around, like a guitar, and a Nintendo. None of that is really going to help me though, maybe nothing will.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awaken to the sound of my father yelling at my mother. It eventually gets drowned by the rain. I hate rain. I roll out of bed and drag myself into the bathroom. I debate shaving my excuse for a moustache, but I leave it. I ponder showering, but I don’t really see the point. I’m just going to smell like rain anyway. I grab this little gizmo lying in my room, and check to make sure it’s loaded. I stuff it into my backpack. I’m going to need it today.

I leave my house without eating or saying a word to my parents. Once again, I get soaked, chilled, and ridiculed, but this time I’m prepared. As the teacher makes fun of my “prepubescent facial fuzz” I reach into my backpack, and start tinkering with the gadget I’d brought from home. I pull it out for a minute, and click its gray surface, just to make sure it’s working.

I wait. The teacher continues his rant. Now he’s moved onto insulting my semi-average grades in school. I show little to no interest, so he decides to attack some girl behind me. He gives her the same speech as he gave me, minus the moustache part. This really pisses me off, so once again, I get up, and exit the classroom, but this time, someone follows me. Her sobbing echoes down the hallway, and my heart.

I open the door to the office and proceed quietly to the principal’s room without as much as a passing nod to the secretary. I open the door without any regard to the principal’s privacy, and I pull the silver object out of my backpack. It’s pointed at him. He looks at me in disbelief, and I click the trigger. Suddenly a voice starts. My geography teacher’s screaming penetrates the principal’s ears. I leave the tape recorder on his desk, and I exit the office.

That girl who followed me is just sitting there sobbing. She’s fiddling with this bracelet she’s wearing. I sit down next to her and mumble, “What are you crying for?” She gives me this weird look like I’m retarded or something, so I ask again.

She starts slobbering some words at me. “He c-completely embarrassed me in front of everyone.” She begins to stutter and eventually becomes inarticulate.

“You’re pretty dumb you know.” The rain keeps falling. “I mean, well, you don’t really have anything to be sad about.” Her face becomes extremely perplexed, but I continue talking nonetheless. “I mean, you’ve got no reason to be sad at all. It’s not like anything he said was true. You’re beautiful, you’ve got friends, and you don’t have a horrible moustache. Honestly, you’re pretty dumb.” She looks at me, and gives me a hoot. Her hand graces her slobbering, wet face, and she gives me a hug. And finally, the rain stops falling.