I did something different today, something that isn’t usually habit for me. I sat in a field, an ordinary field, late at night, in the cold air. I’m sick, it was cold, yet when I was lying down staring at the sky, suddenly I felt as if I wasn’t sick or numb. I felt pure nothing, as if I was captured by the night’s sky. My index finger is frozen as I’m writing this. Profound thoughts flew through my head as I watched the sky; they challenged my normal thoughts on life and brought up something new.
Do you realize what you’re doing to me?
Do you understand that I’m not just some object; I have feelings. I have thoughts, I have emotions. I can have an opinion. I can have my own ideas. Yet you could destroy them all within a minute.
You’ve made me into a monster I hate, something I loathe; a creature molded by the chisels of conformity. A block indistinguishable from the next, yet I dislike the other blocks. I like myself but hate my clones. Hypocrisy has become my middle name, and it is all because of you.
I’m sorry for things I didn’t do. Waking up is fickle; all I’ll do is feel the same feelings as yesterday. I want variation, I want something new, and I don’t want to feel guilty anymore, I don’t want to feel this weight on my shoulders that is un-liftable because there is nothing there. I’m carrying dead weight, and it’s all because of you.
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